Douches Birthday Hash Trash

What: Douches Birthday Hash

Where: The Field Pub

Hares: E=ImaDouche, Easy as 123

Bag Car: Just Kent

Pack:

Nercophiliac Jack, Stinky Cheese, THE 2nd cuming, SALTY MOTHERFUCKING MUD FLAPS, The Butler Hit It, Dry Hose, Just from NC, Just Ian, another Just, a virgin, Clits and Chips, Bum Fucking Vagabond, Sketchy Ho, Twat My Mom, Can’t Eat Pussy, Pussy Passport, No Man, Queer and Foaming, others I forgot

Pre-lube:

Pack slowly trickled in, reaching critical capacity around 7, before the hares even arrived. The hares didn’t even enter the bar, just walked up to the pre-trail-trail-heads and said they’d lay marks to the bag car. The trail heads were confused (aren’t we always), but relayed this information to the RAs, who called bag car in 6.9 minutes.

Trail to bag car:

Was well marked, and pack slowly shuffled along until, at the entrance to the parking lot there was an strange looking mark - “WN” - and then a “WC/Bag car!...that’s right, there was a...

WINE CHECK

(at bag car)

We traded our bags for a bag of wine and proceeded with chalk talk in an ajoinining parking lot. We were all asked to say something nice about the birthday boy - he drinks gamdansk like a champ, looks great on a cross, and has other unique parts to his personality. Marks were reviewed for the virgins, justs and long time back-sliders, then pack was off.

Trail Hobbit*:

Trail started down mass ave then turned right as Asgard, past a Hash Sitapeed by a park, jumped a block then ran into a parking garage. Blackie and I discussed the “summer of parking garages” that happened years ago and prayed that this wasn’t a return. It wasn’t. Trail went up a set of stairs, across a level, then down another set of stairs and through some alleys to the train tracks. There was a true trail pointing down the tracks which led up back, briefly to mass ave. We turn right at Paradise, or close enough there to, I commented to blackie again (it wasn’t actually him, but whatever), jokingly, “Beer Mile near?” Before looking down at the side walk and seeing those exact words in chalk with a true trail arrow pointing to the MIT track. There was some confusion in pack “Is this really happening?” “Yes!” “Does the cop there care?” “No!” “Is Cougar running sprints?” “Yes!”

*This was called “trail hobbit” because hobbits give presents to their friends on the occasion of their birthday, not the other way around; the beer mile was a gift to pack!

BEER MILE:

The beer mile was announced and once the friendly cop left - he asked if we were going to videotape, or if this was “an official beer mile” No, we assured him, it’s a casual beer mile; which is something he hadn’t heard of. He then told us that the MIT track had been redone over the summer (it’s all soft and squishy now) and then rhode off on his bike. The track work out people kindly asked that we use the outside lanes and dragged over two trash barrels for us so that we wouldn’t refund on their track. Since people were a bit surprised by the surprise beer mile, and most of us had to work today, the participants were broken up into relay teams; only Douche, CEP, Cougar and Stinky did the solo miles. Cougar was persuaded to join us (only after getting permission from his “coach”) and the most blessed sound in the world was heard as the cans were cracked. Beer miles do not lend themselves to trash - you run in a circle 4 times - but Cougar won followed by Douche, Stinky and CEP; team Easy Cumming (Easy + 2nd) won the relay, dispite 2nd going a penalty lap. The RAs instructed us that there would be a Turkey/Eagle split on the next section of trail. The Eagles would get a shot, but an increased likelihood of dying.

Trail for the Birds-

Continued down whatever road the MIT track was on. The Eagles split off to run down the train tracks, and the narration will join them later. The turkeys continued straight and hit a tit check; which the harriets ran through (as they are allowed to) but the male justs who I was with also ran through before trail was called on! Trail continued to Memorial drive; there was a true trail drawn crossing Mem drive, but was crossed out with “Fuck that shit” written next to it and trail was laid down to the rotary. I, of course, crossed Mem drive and ran to goose shit, expecting to find libations, but instead found eagles who didn’t want to die, and led them out of goose shit, across the BU bridge to magazine beach where Easy was doing pull ups. She declared that we had reached the on-in and ran off to find bag car...which was parked like 50ft away, but more on that later. The narration will now rejoin the eagles.

According to the hare, trail was laid, and scouted, primarily for the eagles, or, more precisely for the EEE - which makes sense because the rest of the trail was a bit of a shit show. Those who were truly eagles at heart, and enjoyed a brief flirtation with death, continued following marks of flour on the tracks on the bridge over the charles. It’s a bit of a tough, and slow, transverse, as the bridge is built for train, not pedestrian traffic, and the river isn’t all too deep under you. Pack eventually made it across and then scrambled up an embankment to a construction site behind BU, where they found the birthday boy waiting with nips of tequila. Shots were had and the hare traipsed off up the slope and through BU to the footpath over Storrow. Trail turned left and ran along the river, under the bridge they had crossed earlier to true trail pointing out across the Charles; across which they could see pack waving and drinking merely without them.

Circle:

After some communication issue with the food providers - contrary to what they show on TV, most places will not deliver to a parking lot - bag car was dispatched get pizza and we circled under darkening skies. Hares were called in and forced to listen to all the nice things we had to say about them; then we told them they should have used more flour and chalk. They sang something back to us, which I genuinely don’t remember - oh, no, yes i do - they sang Dina! We then called in FBR - blackie and FBI - just from North Carolina - who was also accused of being a virgin because she cut her hair. When asked why she cut her hair she said that she had grown tired of pulling it out of her ass. Technically she didn’t say that in circle, she told me that privately during a conversation at the start but, you know, remember that for future reference. Also her boyfriends likes it better short; remember that too. Back to circle, they drank and were kicked out; DFLs were called in, and it was Douche, so Easy had to drink too. At this point the Virgin was very confused so we called him in and Foamy demented/played 20 questions with him. He sucks at math, helps his uncle jack off, is backwoods and would rather watch porn with his parents than of; i might have made up that last one. Either way; he’s not worthy, but we’ll take him anyway. After that, since there were no visitors - quasi visitors were called in - ie, people who have lived abroad for 6 months and returned to us - SKETCHY!! I think that ex-GMs, kilted hashers and danish nash hash people all drank with her. We then accused team Easy Cum of winning the beer mile, since the real winners weren’t there, so they drank again. Douche protested that, minus Cougar, he won, so he drunk again, and Easy joined him. Shart drank for sweat test failure. I was accused of missing the trash can and drank for alcohol abuse. Stinky Cheese drank for winning the swimming portion of the hash (but we didn’t sing to him about whales). We named Foamy’s dog; pizza was brought out and we swang low. See announcements below.

On - one year closer to death - On

-Wikipedophilia

Announcements:

Camp out on Paddocks this weekend; Today is the last day to sign up, otherwise trail is Saturday. Details on the website.

Taco needs hares.

September 16th: Full Moon - Wifeout is haring.

September 17th: Seacoast red dress pub crawl

September 17th: Maybe poof.

September 24th: Ballbuster in Nothboro?

October 15th: BOSTON AGM - TOP RAGE.

“I feel the need, the need to rage!”

November: Sadie

December: 9-11 -> ANTIBUFFET; rego will be up...sometime?

December 16-18: Chicago ANTHRAX!

Januaray: Robbie Burns

Feburary: Moon away

March: Burlington Mardi Gras

April: BOSTON MARATHON WEEKEND

May: NURD

June: Someone needs to do an event so I can fill this out better...

July: Burlington Invihash

August: It’s like a year from now; who cares; go drink!