What: Divorce Hash
Where: Friendly Patio
Who:
Hares: Do Me Decimal, The Butler Hit
It, Shits and Ladders, Honorable Vaginal Discharge
Bag Car: Spank Me
RA: Yellow Dick Gnome
Pack: Lets see if can remember them;
long haired virgin, virgin from Seattle (how wasn’t really a virgin), other
virgin, just people, Ceritfied Poop Accuntant, Wikipedophilia, 5 Inch Penatly,
Orgasmn Falmon, Goat Throat, Barrey Manbelow, Other vistor from Oregon, First
Visitor From Sac-town, Second Visitor from Sac-Town, Visitor from South
Carolinia, Dry Hose, Justine Beerber, Twat My Mom, Udder Whore, Anal Disco, Pop
Cum Ear I’m Inefected, Rammerhead Shark, her husband who I’m calling Salt on
the Wound? (It’s not his name), Sonic BUM, Pole in the Family*, Bottom
Wrangler, Dribbles, Clit Notes, others I’m probably forgetting.
Start: It was kids night at the
Friendly Toast, so the bar manager very wisely set up the patio for us. It
should be noted that before he did that he asked if the two gentlemen passed
out on the benches outside his bar were with us, upon questioning we found that
they were - they were the hashers from Sacramento! Pack slowly assembled, but
like all marriages doomed to fail, there was a bit of a timing issue as one of
the hares arrived on the north side of 7 o’clock, not that it mattered as we
were all poudning ‘gansetts.
Chalk Talk:
Gnome led us through a not entirely inacurate chalk talk - note to hares; if you’re going to use non-standard marks, tell the RA so they can explain them to us - we are drunks, after all, using chalk which was almost visible.
Gnome led us through a not entirely inacurate chalk talk - note to hares; if you’re going to use non-standard marks, tell the RA so they can explain them to us - we are drunks, after all, using chalk which was almost visible.
The Early Dates:
The beginning of trial was fun and
easy to follow, though I did get a glare from a driver who disagreed with my
opinion that highway on-ramps are a fine place to run diagonally across. There
was some (alot) of bad zenning into and around various parking garges before we
found what should have been a very obvious shot (chamapnge!) check in front of
the Copley Square Chruch.
What followed was a very pleasant hash
through the allies and backways of downtown Boston; through the gardens, around
the Theatre disctrict - a honeymoon section of trial if you’d like. We ran past
fancy threates then went on a long vacation through south east Asia (chinatown)
to another round of shots - tequillia - outside the Chinatown gates. Those rub
and pulls were beginning to strain the marriage.
From the tequillia trial went past
some construction as both parties tried to rebuild what they once had and
crossed a pair of bridges to begin thinking about (the) children(‘s musem) for
another one of the almost uncountable hash sitapeeds. No children were had, but
a case of the (barking) crabs showed that there had been some fucking around and
that the end was near as we approached the courthouse.
Pack ran past some fancy laywer party
(with bar and security) to find the hares hiding in the bushes - Sean Spicer
style - with more champange, more tequilla and some food. We chased them away
after taking in views of the airport and thinking maybe we should just fly away
from this marriage (trial, whatever, I’m losing myself in my metaphores).
After more bad scouting there
apparently was a “Mommy/Daddy” split which (I think) the Daddy’s got a shot
check at Trillium? I’m unsure, the pack was about a split up as a failing
marriage at that point. We tried to reground with S&M man, but only managed
to find about half of what we started with. There was a bit of a death march
through what counts for shiggy in Boston behind the convention center to a
happy/unhappy check. The smart people took happy and after a quick group
hug/gang bang ended up at Whiteys to end this fucking trail.
Half an hour later, the RA started
circle; the pack which went on the unhappy split apparently went to South
Afirica and back.
CIRCLE:
[*Editoral #1]
The hares were called in and I hope
someone sang the “she dated a hash house harrier who’d fuck her but wouldn’t
marry her” verse, but it was nearly impossible to hear the RA. The hares were
made to drink for their crimes - which would be enumerated later - and we told
them to use more flour and chalk because there seriously wasn’t any beer out
there. We then called in FRBs and DFLs - some of which we still getting back
from South Aferica. Then we called in our plethora of visitors and Barely sang
us a song which, sadly, I can’t report on since I couldn’t hear it. After that
virgins were called in and demented by clit notes. They weren’t worthy, but
we’re desperate - like a hasher recently divorced - so we took them anyway. We
then had to deal with a tragety the likes of which the hash has never seen in
the last 7 years. Certified Poop Accuntant, Founder and GM of Space Unicorn,
PornStar - CUNTFACE, WhoreDock - Papa Johnson - and Power Bottom H3s - was
called in for ABANDONMENT! She’s LEAVING BOSTON and moving to Jacksonville,
FLA! We all drank for this, and she drank, and then I think she drank again,
and we drank again. I think we then tried to rename Pole in the Family? Again,
I couldn’t hear what was going on - I was busy buying all the beer (there was a
pause as they had to change the keg) - before accusations were opened up. I
took this as an opertunity to accuse the hares of not having any beer checks.
Butler was then accused of trying to lay trail to his ex (South Aferica). There
were a lot more accusations, but, again, I coulnd’t hear them and continued
buying beer. Eventually it was time for announcements - which are listed below,
and we swang low and devored enough pizza to feed a small village.
On - ‘till blackouts do us part - On
-Wikipedophilia
Announcements:
Sunday 6/10: Taco Brunch Trail. All
tacos are invited to a brunch to celebrate everyone’s favourite corgy’s
birthday! Also, maybe run. Princess Billy will be there. Rage.
Wednesday (6/13): Quater Mile Queer
and Bottom Wrangler are haring a mid-7D7S week trail starting at the Hong
(Wrong) Kong in Phanual.
All next week: The hash will be at the
Hong Kong for 7S7D - 7 days of hash kareookee, there are rumors of patches,
pins, etc.
Saturday (6/23-4) Have you ever wanted
to hash all night long? June Ballbuster will be the shortest night longest
trail hash! Starting at the Barking Crab at sunset we will run all night to an
overlook and watch the sunrise over the city.
July 13-15: Burlington Invishash
Augst 3-5: BOSTON MOON AWAY: SUMMER
CAMP EDITION
[Editorial #1] Normally I try really
hard to pay attention and remember what happened in circle, but circle
participation was only about 60% (WTF) and everyone else was talking. Not
getting into not wanting to participate in circle, if you’re going to just
drink beer and wait for us to finish so you can get your food, kindly go far
enough away from circle that you aren’t drowning it out. I know it’s a small
bar, but, you know, maybe shut up and join circle - it’s the reason we’re here,
after all]
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