What: Divorcee Hash 2.0
How: Swedish Eagle, Yellow Dick Gnome,
Chunderelli Chunderelli
Where: Whitey’s Harvard Sq
Who:
young just, old just, ass cowboy,
quater mile quack quack queer, do me decimal, po po peep show, wikipedophilia,
anal disco, peeping tom pussy, strap on strap off, kunckles deep, orgasmn
falmon, necropheliciac jack, the butler hit in, oboner, dribbles, dry hose,
luva lamp, full frontal fireball, vagabond, sketchy, testicular mechinaics,
foreskin abortion, probably others i’m forgetting, no capital letters.
Start: Pack made up the entirety of
the crowd at Whitneys and Vagabond did a much more friendly impression of “give
me yo money” than I ever had. We discussed why we were here, and our sincere
hopes that this trail would be better than the last divorce trail . The hares
were eventually gay - if only, that might have helped their marriage - and we
continued talking amoungst ourselves. Eventually two people showed up who
looked like they were going to be the bouncer for the night, and we ignored
each other. Pack away was called and we played another game of “cram bags into
small cars” as we filled quater miles’ transport with our shit.
Chalk Talk:
Was relivitely calm; we said what we
wanted to get in the divorce, and went over marks...some of which were used,
some of which weren’t. We were told that there would be an abritraity number of
“bad decision splits” - the hares would make them up as they go but we could
expect things like “401k/vacation house.” Cool idea, we left to find marks.
Leg Honeymoon:
Well, this was no honeymoon. This
marriage was off to a grey start as the first leg of trial [note: I -am- trying
to spell trail but google (I’m writing in google docs) is -always-
correcting it to trial.] was marked in grey and sidewalk color chalk. Combine
that with us running through the
never-thronged-with-tourists-and-summer-camps-harvard-square and you could just
tell that pack was already harkening back to the early days of crushing and
mid-day bangs. Eventually we found a mark which was a perfect metaphor for the
divorcee trial; a true trail leading to a locked gate. On the other side of the
gate was one of the best splits I’ve ever seen; a “Drinking Alone/Therapy”
split; the drinking alone just looped you back to the locked gate true trail
and the same split again. In order to continue on trail, you NEEDED TO TAKE
THERAPY!!! On the other side of the therapy was a song check in the middle of
Hahvahd Yahd, at which I thought it was appropriate to educate the denizens of
The Yahd about how you can have a balanced diet - and stable marriage - if you
eat hot viginia for breakfast, lunch and dinner! There was a kids/pets check on
the other side of the Yahd, and then trail rejoined and we run through “lower
Cambridge” towards Cambridgeport and a beer check in the park near the Western
Ave Bridge.
Beer check:
Had Beer! Though, to be fair, it was divorcee-able beer, as it was, we hope, finally the last of the marathon beer check gennie cream and warm PBR (though bag car had placed it on ice to try and gas light us into thinking it was good beer). Speaking of gaslighting, some people talked about early 2000s German ciniema and no one had heard of The Edukators. Kool.
Had Beer! Though, to be fair, it was divorcee-able beer, as it was, we hope, finally the last of the marathon beer check gennie cream and warm PBR (though bag car had placed it on ice to try and gas light us into thinking it was good beer). Speaking of gaslighting, some people talked about early 2000s German ciniema and no one had heard of The Edukators. Kool.
Pack away was called (or I thought it
was)
Leg Working Through It:
The second leg of trail was one
designed to remind pack of everything they hadn’t as we trampsed on various
paths through Harvard Business School. There was a Mom/Dad/Runaway check. Your
humble narrator took the “Mom” path which was a pleasant stroll passed some
pavillions, gaint out-door chess and a “cool art” check. Nerco and Vagabond ran
off to have sex, and I scouted trail alone across whatever extension Hahvavd is
building into Lower Alston, and ran into the 401k/Vacation house check. The
vacation house led quickly to a “B”N so I looped back and ran the 401k
backwards hoping to find “shots” but none were to be found, so I caught up with
the walkers and ran into the “B”C.
Not Almound Champaign Check:
The B was in quotes because the
refreshments on offer were cosco-champaign and the champange of beers - High
Life. Blessedly there was no Almond Champange and pack began to think “maybe
the hares aren’t gunning for ‘Worst Trial Of the Year’”
Leg Run to the Courthouse
From the second beer check trial
meandered again through LA to an obivous check-back on Hooker st, which I blew
through and found true trial a block away pointing to a “CN/CC” where the hares
had hidden the other six bottles of champange under a bridge. Second
rolled up to the check with a posses coke-addicted doll which he used as a
batton to pass around champange. I think her name was ... Sally? He found her
in an Alley? I forget. Trial continued across the North Harvard Ave Bridge to
the Most Obivous Checkback Ever (TM) back across the Mass Pike to a pretty much
straight shot to where all marriages end; the backroom of the Shilloute.
ONIN:
Was the backroom of the Shilloute.
Bags and pizzas were distributed and we stuffed our faces with pizza and free pop
corn until Ass Cowboy called us into circle. The hares were called in for being
hares and laying a shitty trial. They admitted to their crimes and sang that
they were dumb. Visitors were called in - one whose name I forget from Everyday
Is Wednesday - whose naminy story involved banging in the Hahvad Library, and a
visitor from Boulder CO, #PossiblyTheBestBH3. They were welcomed and song “Dead
Whore.” Then July birthdays were called in - second, popo, butler, maybe others
- and we sang to the linear progression of time. I was called in any number of
times for any number of crimes. Strap on Strap off was called in for following
me and I massarced the “Like a Virgin” song. Dry Hose and Luva serinamed us
with their weird song, though I forget which accusation drove it. Eventually
the beer was running low and the more constrained passing of time which we were
aware of was getting close to the end so ass cowboy called for announcements
(see below) then we swamg low.
On - there are no such thing as
mistakes just wrong decisions in the moment - On
-Wiki
Announcments:
TONIGHT TONIGHT TONIGHT: Choir practice at the Owl’s Nest Beer Garden on the Esplinade. Google maps:
I will mark trail from the Feedler and Dartmouth St footbridges.
TONIGHT TONIGHT TONIGHT: Choir practice at the Owl’s Nest Beer Garden on the Esplinade. Google maps:
I will mark trail from the Feedler and Dartmouth St footbridges.
Saturday: Zig-Zag Trail starting at
the Shilloute, 8PM HST
Next Wedensday: Revere Trail, Bill
Ashes’ Lounge
Saturday 7/20: Bullbuster
Saturday 7/27: Boston Moon H3 Present:
Tour de Franzia 2.0
Wednesday 7/31: Mastor Gator is haring
a trail which isn’t the Tropical Hash
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