License to Kong Trail
Hare: Quarter Mile Queer
Bag Car: 5 Inch Penalty
Pack: Chunderelli Chuderelli, Cums Like Clockwork, Dimebag Daddy, Extra Terresticle, Fellowship of the Cockring, Full Frontal Fireball, Hand Job for Humanity, Just Ali, Just Joel, O'Boner, Patron Taint, Po Po Peepshow, Shits N Ladders, Sir Menage-a-lot, Sketchy Ho, Snatchchat, Testicular Mechanics, The Buttler Hit It, Tinder Dick, Wikipedophilia
Pre-lube: Hong Kong
Beer Check: Lederman Park
On-in: Galvin Memorial Park
I guess that when you're halfway through HongKongukah, everything starts resembling a scorpion bowl. Or at least you'd think that was the case had you witnessed last night's circle, where Wiki and a few others attempted to weave scorpion bowl references into every down-down song. Does anyone even know what goes into a scorpion bowl? Does it even matter? According to Yankee Pay $5 More, the alcohol is premixed according to a secret family recipe, then combined with a blend of fruit juices. Ignorance is bliss, right?
Trail was a fine urban jaunt around the West End of Boston. There was a healthy share of count backs (including a CB1 at City Hall), a few view checks, and one of those angel wings paintings for the Instagrams. Pack was exceptionally speedy on this trail--you really were either among the FRBs, or getting swept up by Fellowship at the checks, there was no in between.
At circle, Topless Barbie autowanked over to join pack. She tried to claim FBI, but that distinction went to Just Ali. Testicular was FRB and Butter was DFL. Barbie and Shits were accused of sweat test failures. Then our visitors Sir Menage-a-lot of San Francisco and Patron Taint from Long Island Lunatics did their down-downs, with Taint singing us the (now defunct) Knickerbocker H3 song and giving us an underpants show. O'Boner, Shits, and Cums Like Clockwork drank for having June birthdays, while Tinder Dick did a down-down for their three-year hash analversary.
At this point, Snatchchat accused O'Boner of tech on trail, but it was because she was looking up a song about scorpion bowls (as opposed to making one up), which she (mercifully) sang on-key. Buttler accused O'Boner of not completing her down-down, but that ended up being a false accusation, so he drank. Menage-a-lot and Just Ali were accused of layering up at the on-in, then Testicular, Buttler, and Just Joel were accused of putting trash in the recycling (or was it the other way around?). Shits et al drank for non-hash attire, Po Po for not peeing at the porta potty because it was too far, and Shits and Sketchy for being left at the karaoke altar.
Shits told us the story of how his name was called for karaoke while the pack was leaving chalk talk, and how he made eye contact with hashers as they left for trail leaving him to sing all by himself at the pre-lube. Just picture Shits giving you a sad puppy dog face begging you to stick around to hear him sing, but abandoning him to do trail instead. From his perspective, it was a sad story. Unfortunately while telling this story, he used his nerd name, so he drank for that.
The last story of the night concerned the first hash sitapede, where after everyone stood back up, O'Boner spotted a small puddle on the ground. Apparently one of our San Francisco hashers accidentally peed on the other one while in the seated position, so they both drank (I understand that there are pelvic floor exercises to help with incontinence).
The night ended with a round of announcements: On-after at the Hong Kong (duh), Barbie and Dribbles haring next Wednesday in Harvard Square, there's an email list on the website, pay O'Boner hash cash, Shortest Night Dumbest Trail this Friday, and a finish the beer trail that won't end until all the beer is gone.
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