June 9 Hash Trash

69 on 6/9 Trail

Hare: Extra Terresticle

Pack: Angry Crotch, C*ntcussion, Dribbles, Edward Sissyhands, Frosty the F*ckman, Full Frontal Fireball, Handjob for Humanity, Holy Dumpster Fire, Luva Lamp, Mudslut, No Man on the Moon, Puker Blooper, Quarter Mile Queer, Shits and Ladders, Sir Menage-a-tw*t, Sketchy Ho, Snatchchat, Spunk in the Trunk, Swedish Eagle, Testicular Mechanics, The Buttler Hit It, Topless Barbie, Virgin Charlotte, Virgin Rose

Pre-lube: Columbus Memorial Park

Beer Check: Extra Topless’s Backyard

On-in: Columbus Memorial Park

It feels a little self-serving, writing the hash trash to my own trail. I mean, I can keep in all the good parts of trail, and leave out the shitty parts, right? Also, aside from the beer check, my reporting will be second-hand, so I’ll tell the story of how Sketchy acted sketchy, then dive into the circle write up.

At the pre-lube we were joined by Hoover McSuck N F*ck, who graced us with his presence since we were starting down the street from his place. He told me ahead of time that he wasn’t running trail, but apparently didn’t tell anyone else, which is relevant. After chalk talk, Hoover started walking home, at which point Sketchy, who was running late, joined him thinking that he was on the walkers’ trail. They went to his place and enjoyed a beer, which led to Sketchy thinking that he was hosting the beer check. It wasn’t until some time passed before she asked him when pack was getting there, and he told her he wasn’t doing the rest of trail, so Sketchy finished her beer and continued on toward the actual beer check. Pack, which wanted to wait for Sketchy and Hoover (remember, nobody else knew he wasn’t doing trail), turned the beer check into a two beer check, before they gave up waiting and left for the second leg. I started driving to the on-in where I intercepted Sketchy and told her pack departed, so she about faced and walked back to the park. At the on-in, pack saw Sketchy, but not Hoover (again, nobody knew he was going home), and well, now there’s a narrative that if you invite Sketchy to your place for a beer, you might never be seen or heard from again.

In circle, Buttler and Sketchy were the FRB and FBI, while Spunk was DFL. We met Handjob who transplanted from San Francisco and Sir Menage-a-tw*t who was visiting from San Francisco. In the wildest of coincidences, Handjob moved to Acton and Menage-a-tw*t was visiting family in Acton. Super weird connection there. Handjob met her husband at the hash "by the keg," and he's newly working in Cambridge, so we can expect to meet him sometime soon. Snatchchat brought Virgin Rose and Handjob brought Virgin Charlotte. They gave the standard virgin answers to our questions, acted out their favorite barnyard animals having sex (I think I heard sheep noises), and were welcomed by the pack. Luva Lamp drank for lost shit: his 2019 Anthrax giveaway that had been in my basement throughout the entire pandemic, and Fireball did a down-down for her lost shit: her favorite grocery bag. C*ntcussion, Sweagle, and Butt Pug drank for serving Malort at the bonus shot check on their stoop. Many drank for the backsliders down-down.

Around this time, a cop drove by, but didn't stop. I pointed out that we were on a dead end street and they'd be driving past us again, which they did, and again did not stop. Phew. Everyone who spotted a 69 reference (like the bus lane on Mystic Valley operating from 6-9 a.m., or gas being $2.69 a gallon) on trail did a down-down to Sweet 69 (sang in the key of Sweet Caroline). Angry Crotch and Shits drank for being new Medford residents, and Sketchy drank for being able to see into their kitchen (as if she wasn't sketchy enough). Snatchchat drank for pooping at the beer check, which I was going to let slide until another hasher asked me if I was letting her defile my bathroom. I drank for a 69 trail on 6/9 on a hump day to a song Sissyhands sang about having three balls, and then drank for having solid non-beer options (cider and two kinds of hard seltzer). No Man and Testicular were accused of aerating the Malort, C*ntcussion for sending Sweagle home early to get her pizza, and Menage-a-tw*t for some story about frozen pizza back in SF. Nobody accused Buttler of making grilled cheese sandwiches for everyone during circle, but that was a thing.

As for announcements, Moon trail on Friday, Shortest Night Dumbest Trail on 6/18, Hongkongukah, Beantown H3 on Sunday in Charlestown, and Sweagles Midsummer trail on 6/30.