CARRY YOUR SHIT TRAIL

Hash Recycling (a knock-off hash trash since I have no vested power to write that)
6/8/22 CARRY YOUR SHIT TRAIL

Hares: Blondie McF*cksALot and Chunderellie Chunderellie
Virgins: none*
Visitor: Salt Lick
Pack: Beeeestiality Before Boys, Blue Balls Matter, Cookies for Nookie, C*ntcussion, C*ms Like Clockwork, Dr. Blow, Dribbles, Fellowship of the Cockring, Frosty the F*ckman, Full Frontal Fireball, GagZZ, Holy Dumpster Fire, Just Colin, Just David, Marbellous Asshole, Mudslut, No Man on the Moon, O’Boner, Popo Peepshow, Quarter Mile Queer, Sex the Final Frontier, Shits and Ladders, Sketchy Ho, Slothy Seconds, Snatchchat, Strap On Strap Off, Testicular Mechanics, Wikipedophilia

This trail was a cluster from before it began. The trail announcement kicked off the mess: the theme of the trail was apparently “we can’t have a bag car because there might be a Celtics parade,” which almost made sense if you didn’t know that Wednesday was only game 3. The hot-messiness portended by the announcement was more than fulfilled by the trail start. The alleged start was Trillium in the Seaport, which was v crowded. Trail start got moved… somewhere? A group of people migrated to Cisco Brewers for prelube part 2, which had marks leading up to it but also a giant “nah” written in chalk. Did the hares mean for people to go there? Who knows. After the light mumblings about mutinying were quelled, the subpack hoofed it over to the (start? first beer check?), where a surprising number of hashers were waiting. How did all of these people know where to go?! A quick chalk talk and pack was on-out at like 7:45. Perhaps the hares were on Hash Daylight Time instead of Hash Standard Time.

Trail took us over what Edward Sissyhands referred to as “Birdshit Bridge,” leading to a wine check/checkback 69. Members of the pack provided the following definitions for “birding” (used in a sentence, “I birded this guy last weekend”):

• chewing food and spitting it into his mouth/transferring a drink from your mouth to his (AKA baby birding)
• giving him a blowjob and transferring his jizz to his mouth (no fewer than 3 people noted that this is called snowballing. Do you people sit around reading Urban Dictionary?)
• having sex and then flying away
• approaching him and flapping your arms aggressively
• shitting on his head (this is still making me laugh)
• watching him silently from a distance for a really long time (my personal favorite response)

If Marbellous Asshole’s counting is to be believed, the pack followed the 67 marks back to the (start? first beer check?) for a nice beer check by the water. The last leg of trail took us by the Gillette Shaving Headquarters (a good place to get rid of unwanted hares!) and ended at the top of the hill at Thomas Park.

Circle temporarily disbanded as distractible hashers tried to peep some fireworks, which were speculated to be a celebration for the Celtics winning (the game had barely started at this point but tracking the timing of the NBA finals is clearly not this group’s forte). Accusations revealed that the hares managed to lose a virgin before trail even started (RIP Snatchchat’s virgin). Shits and Ladders accused Wikipedophilia of marking a check in both directions. Wiki counter-accused Shits of thinking that Wiki was carrying chalk. Frosty the F*ckman recently got engaged (mazel)! Our visitor, Salt Lick, whose Long Island accent was so thicc that Kim Kardashian asked where it got its butt injections, abused alcohol. Just Colin revealed himself to be a Freemason, highlighting his experience in organizations that frequently deny being a cult.

On-after was at Whitey’s. The Celtics won! There was no parade.

On – never drinking margaritas during prelube again – on,
Slothy Seconds