Swedish Midsommar v6.0

June 15, 2022 Trail
Swedish Midsommar v6.0

Hare: Swedish Eagle
Bag Car: Blondie McF*cksalot
Pack: Beeeestiality B4 Boys, Blues Balls Matter, Bum F*cking Vagabond, Chunderelli Chunderelli, Clit Notes, C*ntcussion, Dr. Blow, Dribbles, Edward Sissyhands, Extra Terresticle, Fellowship of the Cockring, Full Frontal Fireball, Glutenless Maximus, Holy Dumpster Fire, Jersey Lunchbox, Kneels for Ginger Jizz, Marbleous Asshole, Moaning Lisa, Mudslut, Necrophiliac Jack, No Man on the Moon, Orgasm Famine, Po-po Peepshow, Quarter Mile Queer, Sex the Final Frontier, Shits and Ladders, Slothy Seconds, Snatchchat, Spunk in the Trunk, Testicular Mechanics, The Buttler Hit It, Virgin Mimi, Wikipedophilia

Pre-lube: Warren Tavern
Shot check: Little Mystic Boat Ramp
Beer check: Charlestown Naval Shipyard Park
Aquavit check: Nashua Street Park
On-in: Courtyard behind Whittier Place Condos

Another trip around the sun, another Midsommar trail brought to us by Sweagle. A large pack assembled for this annual trail featuring cinnamon buns, pickled herring, and aquavit. Some may have also come to see how Sweagle would follow up last year's spectacle that concluded with a circle around a metal flag pole in a lightning storm and a hare with a gash that would ultimately require 14 stitches.

Ultimately, this year's iteration had a lot less shiggy, a lot more Naval vessels, and about an equal level of inebriation. Comments on trail included more poles, fewer poles, more shiggy, too much shiggy, too long, too short, and bork bork bork. There was no pole at the on-in to do the traditional frog jump dance thing around, so someone stacked a few empty boxes on top of each other. It was good enough. Apparently there was a wine tasting going on at the intended on-in, so the hare pivoted to this random courtyard in Boston's West End neighborhood. It ended up working out quite well for us.

Circle started with the usual--FRB (Marbles), FBI (Blue Balls), and DFL (Spunk); then backsliders (many); and a devirginization. Virgin Mimi, brought to the hash by Snatchchat, hates questions, lives in Quincy, and likes her poles thick and tall. She wasn't worthy but we took her anyway.

Jersey Lunchbox and Glutenless Maximus drank for visiting from Northboro. Hashers who rode a bicycle to the Hong Kong earlier in the day and left it there so it was available to take home later in the night drank for being too smart. Hashers who went over or under a fence drank. Jersey Lunchbox was accused of throwing a stone, I guess, I don't really know. Quarter Mile drank for Butt Pug having sex in circle with another dog, and Po-po joined him.

At some point, a curious local came by to find out what we were up to. People were saying he was security, but from across the circle, I thought he looked like someone who calls into sports talk radio shows ("Joey from Bahhhston, you're on 98.5 the spohhts hub."). Have you ever seen a security person wearing a ballcap, oversized polo shirt, and shorts? Didn't think so. Spunk flirted with him, then he left. Then she drank for letting him leave without getting his number.

Circle started winding down, but not before Glutenless and Slothy Seconds drank for alcohol abuse, Quarter Mile drank for consuming a Gu packet before trail, and the RAs drank for their tag team act (I think all four took a turn leading circle). Testicular was accused of stretching in preparation for a hash sitapede, and he was joined in circle by Mudslut. The two did an interpretive dance (mating ritual?) that I think they were trying to turn into the next Tik Tok challenge. I don't think it's going to catch on though. Testicular then accused everyone who didn't wear a tutu (social!), and Blondie accused everyone who attended a recent SNDT.

As for the announcements, Shortest Night Dumbest Trail is Friday night, Moon is Saturday night, Hong Kong is every night, and KNURD is in one week. That's all, see you next year for Midsommar v6.9 (7.0).

-ET