Cinco de Augusta Hash

Hares: Hare Club for Queers, Fire in the Hole
Start: Space 669 in the parking lot of Oak Grove T station
Beer Check: At the bottom of an earthworks below a large rock pile
On In: No. 9 Ale House (118 Ferry St Malden)

The pack: I counted 38 people, but more may have came later: Dribbles, Fuwangi Boner (RIH3), Stick it to the Bros, High Anus, 6 inch penalty, Peppermint Pussy, Sugar Plum Fairy, Necrophiliac Jack, Jamaican me Cum, Dirty Latte Sanches, Catheter the Great, The Jizzmopper, Anal Beads, Beat by a Girl, an Inconvinent Poop, Floppy, The Butler Did It, Ski Bobbit, Target Practice, Drippy Spigot, Sketchy HO, Just Jenan, Homobile, Muddy Buddy (Dallas), Shorn Scrotum, Just Adam, Just Angie, Wooden Eye, Just Sara, Just Michael, Just Ellie => Brigham Tongue, Just Lloyd => Maid of Honor, Virgin Cindy, Virgin Rana, (Muddy's virgin), You outta Blow (latecummer), Friar F**K

Who says Boston can't set a shiggy trail, but one which you can get to on the T!

There was actually a space 669, which was empty. Fuwangi parked next to it and was there when I got to the station (at around 6:20). Muddy Buddy and his virgin were there too, and one of them brought beer. Interesting that the only people to get to the start of the run on time are visitors. It's getting dark early folks. 6:30 HST and the hares aren't there - more important the prelube beer isn't there.

Eventually people started rolling up including Hare Club who had much needed refreshments. We had quite a crowd before Fire in the Hole showed up. Shortly after that (or after we finished the beer and the hares were away) there was a quick circle conducted by Jizzmopper. There were fairly standard marks - and a portion of the trail was laid in flour (represented by faint squiggles). Unfortunately Jizz used the H word early on and we spent a lot of time giving the appropriate response. Finally after a quick circle we were off.

Trail started going along a bank, through an apartment complex, and across a main road. After that it was a scramble up a very steep bank. I could barely get myself over the wall, but some hashers helped me. We were now in Pine Bank Park. When I first came to Boston, I'd go exploring by taking the T to the end of each line. Pine Bank Park was my first wilderness experience in the area. Anyway it was great to be in an area I was vaguely familiar with. We passed a ball field and were into the woods. Muddy Buddy lost his virgin. Some of the trail was pretty hard going. Rocks are slippery, and covered with moss. Luckily there were only a few hash crashes, and no serious injuries. There was a check which dead-ended at a spectacular view, but people found trail and there was the all important Beer Near. To get to the beer, we had to cross a few piles of rocks - beyond the piles of rocks was a dirt excavation. Jamaican remarked that this trail was just like the ones in Port of Spain.

The beer was definitely needed, and soon we were off. Trail started off going down a steep gravel hill, but some of us went the other way and had to crawl under a fence. I started to fall behind and caught up with Ski - who I knew had a map. Unfortunately he was heading in the wrong direction. When the cross street wasn't shown on the map, it's time to ask passers by for directions. It's a couple of miles away - go back the way we came. We were actually very close to Oak Grove and it was a straight shot past an endless cemetery. Many of the graves have blue patio lights - I guess these are a stand-in for candles but it made part of the cemetery look like an airport runway. I heard what sounded like a beer check in the cemetery, but Ski said that he didn't hear Jizzmopper so it was probably some random people. As we were walking towards Malden, we ran into some hashers who must know something the rest of the pack didn't. Finally we could actually use the map, and navigated through Malden. The rest of the pack caught up to us, coming in from all directions.

The real trail was in the woods. It was totally dark by this time, and the trail was very steep.

We reached the No 9 Ale House. There were disco lights and very loud music - not the place to conduct a circle. Beer started flowing, and it was time to hang out. Finally the music was turned down and we all gathered around some tables for circle. Jizzmopper was the RA.

Comments on trail: None that really stuck. "Too long and too dark" were too obvious to say. The hares song was Alluette'ing Virgin Cindy.

FRB: Dribbles, Stick it to the Bros (though there was some question as to whither he was first, or was simply called in out of habit), High Anus.

DFL: Jamaican, Just Angi who took a cab to the on-in and called for directions.

Visitors: Fuwangi from RIH3, Ski Bobbit from the Boston Old Farts Hash (yeah right), Muddy Buddy from Dallas. Ski's excuse was that he needed help changing his catheter so of course Catheter the Great joined the visitors in circle. Fuwangi tried to sing the A songAaa; A great Aaa; A long great Aaa .....This song keeps going forever, unless the pack stops it - which they did after a few verses.

Hash Crash: Fire in the Hole, Beat by a Girl.

Erasing the marks with his Urine: Anal Beads (in the winter, urine can be used to mark checks)

Backsliding: Homobile

Racist Behavior (wearing a race shirt): Dirty Latte Sanches.

Birthdays: Catheter the Great, Fire in the Hole.

Pussy Foot (complaining about sand in the shoe): Shorn Scrotum.

Virgins: Virgin Rana was brought by Just Sara. Her favorite sexual position is
the Spoon.

Virgin Cindy was brought by Target Practice. Her favorite barnyard animal is a goat, and she has an orgasm with a goat by going "baaaa".

Virgin (sorry I didn't get your name because there were too many PRIVATE PARTIES) was brought by Muddy Buddy.

Namings: Jizzmopper picked on all the "justs" with more than 5 trails and kept
3 of them for naming. Just Ellie was from Utah so the name "Brigham Tongue" was suggested. Nobody could think of anything better, and instead of voting on it we
simply named her.

Just Lloyd has the same name as Andrew Lloyd Webber so there were various suggestions. "Dont cry for me Gonorrhea", "Alice", "Joseph and The Technicolor Dream C*nt". Unfortunately he liked some of these but told us a story about recent marriages in his family which prompted the name "Maid of Honor". This was the overall favorite so Just Lloyd will be known as Maid of Honor.

Just Sara has something to do with gorillas. "Gorillas in the Fisted", "Gorillas in the Fist", "Who flunked Who" were suggested, but none were the overwhelming favorite so hopefully she'll be named next time and remember to do something really stupid.

Jizzmopper was accused of pointing in the circle.

We did Swing Low and made a grab for the many Pizza's around the bar. There was a little bit more hash beer, but the bar was setting up for Open Mic night. Just Michael went up and sang "Egan" and "Top of the Pops". He used to be a recording artist, and is currently playing with a band called Pleasant Sweaters. http://www.myspace.com/pleasantsweatersUnfortunately most of the pack had left by this point.

-Friar