STD Going Away Hash

Hares: STD and The Buttler Hit It (bag car: Preggers)
Start: Hancock Tavern
BC 1: A hilltop overlooking Dorchester next to a mosquito infested pond
BC 2: Just at the end of the street as we got out of the woods.
BC 3: The top of a parking garage above the on-in
On-In: A surprisingly friendly bar at the bottom of the parking garage.

The Pack: 5 inch penalty, An*l Beads, Beat by a Girl, Preggers, Brigham Tongue, Catheter the Great, Dribbles, Gay Pride, Goes down on Bouys, Hareclub, High An*s, I eat Tea bags, Jamaican me Cum, Krusty, Puffy, Spits, Spoonfull, Stick it to the Bros, Sugar Plum Fairy, Virgin Maureen, Friar, Just Michelle, Just Sara, second cumming, Just Craig => Bring out the Gimp, Just Delmar => The Night of Giving Head, Wooden Eye, Maid of Honor, Butts. I know I'm missing some, but BBAGs list is on my other computer..

I feel like I'm writing about a bygone era - it's hard for me to believe that this all happened just last week. I'm sorry if some of the details seem a little vague. I'm relying on my notes, but the really important facts are still written on my legs in Braille.

We pre-lubed at the Hancock Tavern. I really don't remember much about this except that the pack was assembled outside at around 7:30. There were the usual marks and we were off. The one thing I remember was that it was hot and muggy. There was a spot of road. My notes say "Two checks and a YBF". Eventually we got to a point where we got to scramble up a steep bank and over some rocks. Unknown to everyone, this is where the dreaded Poison Ivy (or worse) was lurking. It was too dark to see what was happening, and I probably grabbed onto any welcome plant to pull myself up. Clamber over a set of rocks and back onto the road. At least this part of the trail was well marked. Soon we were at the hilltop apartment buildings - site of many beer checks. There was a short stretch across the parking lot. Someone had left me a beer. Finally we went across the totally dark parking lot, up a hill (we had shortcutted) and to an overlook next to a pond. I took a few night shots (it was night by now) and didn't mind the mozzies - but enough people complained that the beer check was moved to the parking lot. This must be the only time that a beer check has been moved by popular demand. Good job Mozzies - you accomplished what only the police used to be capable of doing.

The next part of the hash was basically a circle jerk / scramble leaving us pretty much where we were. Actually I got separated climbing up some rocks though I think I was on trail part of the time. It's a very lonely experience wandering around on the top of hill - ducking into the bushes and reeds looking for trail, trampled grass, and the distant shouts of hashers. Luckily I found trail and virtually had to be guided in to the next beer check at the point where the woods met the road.

The main attraction was Second Coming and the wheelchair he found in the woods. The road sloped gently, making it perfect for gravity-powered wheelchair rides. Unfortunately wheelchairs are tippy, but this added to the fun. I wonder what the neighbors thought.

After this I truly got separated from the pack. People weren't marking checks. At one point I went back into the woods following dappled light on trees that looked like flour. It was another steep bank leading down to a road. Unfortunately I tripped over a birch branch that looked like a shaft of light. I decided (probably wisely) to try to backtrack to the road. Just then my phone rang. Perhaps Phoenix getting back to me (a little late now). Instead it was the world famous Enos calling to line up rooming plans.

• "Hello mite ow you doing"
• "I'm on trail"
• "Say hi to everyone.."
• "IF YOU'RE THERE - ENOS SAYS HI"

We were basically exchanging phone numbers for Winter Park. In desperation I called the hotline. Parking garage at Quincy Center. OK? How does one get to Quincy Center (where is quincy center for that matter). I aimed for the tall buildings in the distance. Perhaps I found trail by a burger king. Outside a bunch of kids were sitting outside eating and listening to one kid playing guitar.

Finally I ran into Anal Beads. Turns out the garage was not at the T station, and I was nowhere near the T station. Two wrongs make a right and I was at the beer check. BBAG and Buttler (who was wearing a coconut bra) were smoking at level 3. the beer check was at the end of level 5. Perhaps we were supposed to circle there but someone found out that the bar was hash-friendliy. I made a note that it was exactly 10:00 pm when we left the garage.

Comments on trail

• Not enough drive by mosquitos.
  
• Giving blood, wheelchair.
  
• The hares sang "I love my girl" with the worst 4-part harmony I've heard this song sung
  

Virgins: Virgin Maureen was brought by PSA. She is from New York. To fake an orgsm, she goes "Ooh I can't" "Ooh I can't" (sort of like the little engine that could). She would get off the bus full of lesbians.

Naming: Just Craig has done 11 trails. I don't pretend to remember the stories behind some of the suggestions, but he was riding the wheelchair all through circle. Nominations were "Son Touch", "Jizz in my pants", "Salty Nuts", "Chocolate Salty Balls" (this was somewhat popular), "The Gimp" (also popular), "Bring on the Gimp" (most popular). From now on, Just Craig is "Bring on the Gimp".

Another Naming: Just Delmar has done 8-9 trails. Again - I forget the stories. Nominations were "Mexican Humping Queen", "Beat the Irish", "Sucks off Zombies", "I lick Brains", "BRAINZ", "Night of the Giving Head". The latter proved to be popular so from now on Just Delmar is known as "Night of the Giving Head".

Attempted Renaming: Spits was called out for renaming because of an incident. Crucifux and Spits went to Harvest Taqueria and Spits threw up on her burrito and tried to eat it. Suggestions were "Burrito Explosion", "Puke", "Puko De Bio", "Spits and Spews". We did not arrive at any sort of consensus on so Spits is still Spits.

• Tech in Circle: Just Michelle.
• Afraid to introduce a song: Immaculate
• STD: Why are you leaving?
• Quote related to me by BBAG: "Padded bras are the bane of existence"

People made their way home via car or T. We were a considerable distance from the start.

I wish the story ended here, but it didn't. I noticed redness on my legs. Oh - just a little PI. Should have thought about this after trail but even if it breaks out, a scrubbing of Tecnu usually clears it up. Not this time - the Tecnu (even the new stuff) had very little effect - The PI had spread from one leg to the other. I even managed to get it on the organs between my legs, which was most uncomfortable. I had not had such a bad case in years! My eyelids started swelling. One foot got larger than the other. Meanwhile the hash list was full of similar reports of PI.

With my legs (and other parts of my body) burning and itching, I rushed myself off to Ithaca NY, where there was a hash weekend, my condition worsening as i drove. I have to say that the treatment I received was top-notch, though not very effective. Within minutes of arriving, I was seen by a nurse who prescribed Benedrill for my eye and sent a lot of hashers off to look for anyone who had a supply. I was told to drink a lot of fluids (which I did - especially the Excelsior 10% beer) and get a lot of rest (which I did, thanks to the Excelsior). The next day I went to see a Herbalist who found some weeds growing by the trail which when squeezed and rubbed on my legs hurt like hell but were supposed to clear up PI. I was going to drive to Maryland, but instead scrubbed that part of the trip and drove EOD home. She took Benedrill because of the dog and fell asleep. I played the radio so that I'd get a few minutes more warning if I was going to black out (the pain was quite intense at this point). When I got home, I went to see a real doctor who prescribed Prednazone which has worked like a charm. Meanwhile the slight detour on the way home from Ithaca became a full-blown business trip with a budget to match. I'm not blaming anyone but myself, but THANKS STD.

Anyway - this is my last write-up for a while. During the summer I feel that I've got to know all of you so well that I'm sure if BBAG sent me the attendance sheet I could make up a completely ficticious but plausable story about the trail. Still, that wouldn't be fair, and so someone else is going to have to scribe.

Right now I'm sitting in my room in the Econo-Lodge finishing up the hash trash I started writing while waiting for Watergate to show up for the "dinner club" in Herndon VA (we had a great dinner). I'll do a little more exploring tomorrow, have dinner with Muffalota near BWI, and then fly back for a frantic few days of packing, winterizing, hashing, and partying. Then it's off to Colorado for IAH. I return on Tuesday (after Labor Day) at 10:30pm to Logan Airport. My mission, should I care to accept it, is to go home sleep (if time permits), load up the car, shut down the house, get the dog, drive to my new home in Takoma Park, unpack, sleep (if time permits), and then report for duty in Silver Spring at 0900 or perhaps earlier. All this must be accomplished in about 36 hours. Hopefully after that I'll be told what the real mission is.

Wish me luck! I'll need it!

-Friar