Pickup Hash

Hares: Necrophiliac Jack, 5 Inch Penalty, Shawsk*nk
RA: Shawsk*ank
Pack: Bend Over Mommy, Dribbles, Just Sam, Brigham Tongue, Octop*ssy, Just Melvin, The Buttler Hit It, e=I'm a Douche, C*umlocker, Virgin Desiree
Wangers: Vagetarian, Jamaican Me C*m, Stick It To the Bros, Bondage Barbie, Twat My Mom, I Eat Tea Bags
Pre-lube & On-In: Sligo in Davis Square
Weather: Clear and cold (20s)

A pickup hash, in case you are not aware, is where the first hare runs until he or she gets caught, then the snare becomes the hare. The unfortunate part of this is that the FRBs become the hare, thus leading to perhaps a longer hangover hash than people were anticipating. Oh, also this was a Cajun trail.

So Jack walks into Sligo looking like death warmed over, or at least someone who had a really, really, REALLY good time at the Twelve Bars of Hashmas. Unfortunately for him, because he was hoping no one would show up, a bunch of crazy hashers did indeed make the trek.

Eventually Jack realized that the sooner he got started the sooner we'd be done and went off to go lay trail. Eventually the rest of us decided it might be about time to go follow him, so after a quick chalk talk (we *did* have a virgin after all) and were off. We ran through Davis Square but probably for the first time ever, did not run through the T station but instead headed up Holland Street before cutting west and running through the neighborhoods. At one point along the bike path we hit a check and one direction had a whole bunch of snow plows out so we sincerely hoped trail did not go there as the marks would be gone. Luckily, it did not.

Trail wound up to, and through, St. Paul's Cemetery by route 16. On the far side of this, on Broadway, 5 Inch Penalty finally caught Jack who had stopped to walk. And a good thing, too, at the rate we were going we probably never would have caught him!

5 Inch led us down Broadway back into Somerville. So we figured at this point, this being a hangover hash and all, that trail would lead back down Holland in a relatively straight manner back to Sligo. Boy were we wrong! I'm not exactly sure where we went but we wound up running north through the hills over to, and through, the Tufts campus. At this point C*mlocker had a particularly bad hash crash but, like Wes Welker (too soon?), she made it up and was able to walk. Unlike Wes Welker, she was able to run so it was all good.

Shawsk*nk snared 5 Inch on College Ave very near Sligo, so her part of trail lasted all of about 5 minutes but was notable because we doubled the distance we ran by not paying attention when trail turned, and trail led us through a parking lot and courtyard with a door that I at first couldn't open. Happily I figured it out because the fence didn't look sturdy enough to climb.

For some reason the pack was less than enthusiastic in our singing. I think we were all shellshocked that the trail was more than about a mile! Virgin Desiree either did not remember or did not want to share her first sexual experience. I'm not really sure which of those options I prefer. Anyway as a result her sponsor Octop*ssy had to share (and demonstrate) her favorite sexual position which happens to be reverse cowgirl. Excellent choice Octop*ssy.

Anyway, accusations:

1. Jack for technology on trail (Buttler and I joined him as we all had YakTrax)
2. E=I'm a Douche for being himself (best accusation ever!)
3. Just Sam for sitting in circle (ha I should do a down-down right now for spelling sitting "citting" twice in a row, well it is about time to go to the gym and what workout is complete without beer??)
4. Octop*ssy for having a cranium cover on in circle while sponsoring a virgin (not such a good choice Octop*ssy)
5. C*mlocker for her hash crash
6. Social for everyone who didn't attend all 12 bars the night before
7. Social because the pack was not singing
8. Bros for jumping at the wrong verse of "Dinah"
9. Jamaican Me C*m for falsely accusing me of technology in circle when I was trying to take notes (one of these days I'll need to remember to bring paper and a pen hey…)
10. 5 Inch Penalty for eating yellow snow
11. The Buttler Hit It for thinking that U-N-C-L-E spells daddy
12. Virgin Desiree for wearing underwear (boxers) as outerwear
13. Bondage Barbie, Tw*t My Mom, & I Eat Tea Bags – latec*mmers
14. Me for accusing the accusations of being repetitive and boring and refusing to continue to record them
15. Shawsk*nk for prominently displaying her n*pples in circle (yes, she did keep her shirt on making the feat much more impressive)
16. Bros for leaving circle to watch football
17. Bros for not paying attention when he was being accused of leaving circle to watch football
18. Bros for hitting on the virgin (apparently his pickup line is "You'd make a good beer bitch." Ouch …)
19. Virgin Desiree for being scared of us (gee now I have to wonder WHY ….)

At this point we wrapped up circle and all went to get food from Anna's. Mmmm Anna's … oh yeah and more beer too. That's it for now – next up: The Furry Hash!

- Brigham Tongue