Robbie Burns Hash 2010

Hares: Ski Bobbitt and Cum Fly With Me
Bag Car: Ski Bobbit
Pre-Lube: The Cask n Flagon near Fenway Park (Beat By A Girl and Dude Where’s My Virginity with Cletus the Fetus On-board left after pre-lube)
Whiskey Check: Swam Garden Walkway next to Amory Park Brookline
Beer Check: The shores of Ye Olde Loch Muddy
On-In: Punters Pub
Scribe: Sugar Plum Fairy

Pack: High Anus, Necro Jack, Brigham Tongue, The Buttler Hit It, Nipples Erectus, Taj My Hole, Fucksaw, Pat My Fly, Spitz, Vagitarian, Shawskank, Dribbles, Stick It To the Bros, Immaculate Erection, The 2nd Cumming, Bondage Barbie, Brzzzz, Double Flush, Cums Alone, Catheter the Great, Dirty Latte Sanchez, Floppy Dick, Hoover McFuck n Suck, Jamaican Me Cum, Vagitarian, Cum Locker, Viagra Doubt Fire and Lube Me In with Just Riley, Sperm Breath,
Justs: Mike, Evan, Stan
Visitors: Jimmy Crack Whore, Pig Fucker, Counterfeit Dick, Pussy Factory and Anti-Cock
Transplants: Just Carol (Madison), Horses Ass, Blows My Mind, (sorry didn’t
write it down) Plus 2 Coon Ass and Swamp Gravy (Atlanta)
Returning: Rocky Mountain Whore
Virgins: Leslie
Late Cummers: An Inconvenient Poop
Lame Non-Cummers: Bend Over Mommy. I would call her a late cummer but she arrived so late I’m not sure she came at all oh and, Velvet Pelvis

Ski Bobbitt treated everyone to a celebration of Scotland’s most favorite person next to Jackie Stewart and William Wallace. As we gathered at for the 69th stumbling of the Anal Robbie Burns Hash. The first thing I noticed about the upcoming shitshow was that it was no where near Charlestown or Malden.

After circling on top of a parking garage next to the Cask behind the Green Monster, trail led us around Fenway Park down Lansdowne Street and around Fenway Park toward Brookline Ave and the Riverway. It was at this point that Pig Fucker, Velvet Pelvis and I veered toward the Fenway neighborhood. PF mistakenly thought he saw pack go that way and we followed him a few blocks before we decided that following Pig fuckers only leads to one thing, feeling like you have been fucked by a pig.

PF and VP decided to go back to following marks and I ran toward the Muddy which I intended to follow until I hit trail which I thought I would soon see. I was actually right, and began to see orange blotches and thought I was wicked smaht. As soon as I lost sight of the orange blotches I spied the walkers cumming toward me.

They told me they were going to the Beer Check which was a long the shores of the roaring Muddy and that to get to the Whiskey check would take forever so I waited for the rest of the pack with them. Real trail went toward Brookline via Beacon Street and ended at the Whiskey Check off the wooden walkway next Amory Park. I wasn’t there but I’m pretty sure whiskey was drank producing many a sour puss. Following the Whiskey Check I was informed that trail went through Brookline and the Longwood Medical area and around Emmanuel College back across the Muddy to where Oat Cakes, Shortbread and Belhaven Scotch Ale were waiting.

At some point an entire pizza floated down river which we assumed was Hare Clubs idea of speedy delivery. We stayed there until Necro Jack bitched about being cold which was not surprising when you wear shorts and a light shirt in winter time. Trail then snaked its way through the Fens the warmer environs of Punters Pub on Huntington Ave.

CIRCLE:
After making ourselves at home our sexiest RA Shawskank got our circle going so we could chastise the hares for their shitty trail. Over the inane babbling I heard, “Not enough Turkeys.” I also heard Bondage Barbie say not enough dick checks to which I offered my own private check in the corner. I figured with Tea Bags being laid up and me being the giving person I am, I would fulfill her request. Sadly she declined.

Cum Fly with Me sang a great song that I could barely hear but I think it had something to do with a Scotsman finding out his girlfriend is a man bye looking under his kilt. There were quite a few visitors and transplants my favorite being Just Carol who gave us an early look at the full moon before the Full Moon hash on Tuesday 1/26.

Our one Virgin Leslie was demented and apparently she moos like a cow when she is REALLY excited. 2nd Cumming was also demented….Nobody knows why. Accusations were made down-downs quaffed and we were all reminded to register for Marathon 2010. Swing Low was sung; we ate pizza (no not the floating kind), drank beer and made the world safe for democracy.

HEARD AT THE HASH:

1. “You ruin everything!” Necro Jack to Tampon Jelly who tried to impose himself in the shortest kilt contest for women.
2. “Redtube?” Me to Spitz