Wolf Moon Hash

Hares: Mr. Papagiorgio, Tw*t My Mom 
Bag Car: The Crying Gay, I Licked Butts
RA: The 2nd Cumming
Pre-lube: Alumni Café, Wollaston, Quincy
On-in: Merrymount Park, Quincy
On-after: Alumni Café, Wollaston, Quincy
Weather: Clear and cold (30s but it felt colder in circle!)

Pack: Accidentally An*l, Cocksmith, Bloody P*ssy, Peppermint P*ssy, Master Gator, C*mlocker, Just Carol, Beat By A Girl, The 2nd Cumming, Sucker's Bet, Bondage Barbie, +2 Coonass, Virgin Phil, Night of the Giving Head, Glitorus [in spirit], e=I'm a Douche, Just Amanda

Amid the cold and deep snows of midwinter, the wolf packs howled hungrily outside Indian villages. Well, so says the Farmer's Almanac and hence the Wolf Moon. I'm betting the wolves were howling because they knew the people in the villages had beer (or other mind-altering substances) and they weren't sharing.

For the first time in what felt like months the hash started somewhere other than Boston, Cambridge, or Somerville. And what a wonderful location Quincy – there was a Brigham's Ice Cream, a Middle Eastern grocery, and a dive bar. Oh, I guess I could be talking about Watertown too … anyway moving on … pack gathered in the lovely Alumni Café for some libations before the hares were away in a surprisingly timely manner.

Since we were promised shiggy, half the pack headed directly for the marshes trying to find trail but what do you know, trail went the other way, through a parking lot, down some stairs, and along a long deathmarch straightaway until …. CB8! For better or worse once we got back to the check there was really only one way trail could go and from there it went along almost exactly the same route as STD's going away hash last August, including a t*t check and the crazy short tunnel heading directly out to a major road where we all did our best to be very careful. OK so I don't really remember if STD had a t*t check there but it sounds like something he would have done. The more the merrier except when it's cold out hey although come to think of it maybe that's the point …

On the other side of the tunnel most of the pack again assumed this was a recycle of STD's trail so headed towards Furnace Brook Parkway. For some reason a bunch of people stopped to stretch once they realized that was the wrong way. Not sure what was going on there. Trail, of course, went the opposite way before heading up a steep hill, and up, and up, and …. CB6. Sheesh … back down we went, then around, and back up (I'm getting dizzy just writing this). Luckily we stopped for a song check, singing "I Used to Work in Chicago." Moving on …. At the next check we found a quick series of marks which turned out to be a false. Figures, since the beer check was about 20 feet in the other direction in Furnace Brook Golf Course, through a hole in the chain-link fence. Happily, unlike STD's trail there were no killer mosquitos out, or poison ivy for that matter. I guess there are some good things about winter.

After a while we realized that we had lost Master Gator somewhere on trail. No one remembered him being at the song check, and The Crying Gay figured that he probably just went home. However, he showed up – not entirely sure what he was doing during his separation from the pack but one might postulate that it has something to do with his name. Or maybe wolves. Peppermint also left after this beer check, something about being tired, or something, whatever it was her excuse was boring.

After the beer check we ran downhill for a little bit before heading up the aptly-named Summit Ave, because this was a hill to remember. Night of the Giving Head was so far ahead of the rest of us that The 2nd Cumming and I blindly followed him all the way up to the summit of the hill before realizing that we hadn't seen any marks in quite a while. So we ran back down the hill, found the check (and the rest of the pack), and had to run back up the same hill on another road. Got what I deserved I guess.

Trail headed straight across the golf course, through a turkey-eagle split, and rejoined shortly thereafter on Furnace Brook Parkway, running up it, through some huge building's parking lot and out over to Adams Street where the FRBs wandered aimlessly for a while before finding trail again. Unfortunately the town of Quincy didn't know how to spell Buttler correctly, as we saw a sign for Butler road right by a song check where we sang "The S&M Man." At this song check we realized we had lost BBAG, and after this song check there was yet *another* false.

Finding trail again and crossing 3A, we got into some more serious shiggy. At a check, half the pack went towards the marshes and I hear that some people actually started wading into the channel before we heard "on-on" from the path not taken. Figures that the path not taken would be the one we were meant to take, doesn't it?

We emerged from the woods onto a field and immediately lost trail – there were about 10 of us looking in all different directions before somehow someone figured out that we'd reached the on-in and called everyone over. Turns out BBAG had gotten into bag car at the beer check. Well, he was pretty drunk to start out with…

Comments on Trail

• Not enough hills
• - Not enough BBAG
• - Not enough shiggy
• - Not enough t*t checks
• - F*ck you and your CBs
• - Not enough déjà vu

BBAG demented Virgin Phil, who did not know the square root of 69 – this question was met with dead silence and not even a guess! His favorite barnyard animal is apparently a pig, so he and his sponsor Accidentally An*l were made to demonstrate pigs f*cking (and this has nothing to do with Pig F*cker who I am sure would be sad to hear what he missed!). Somehow, he was found worthy of the hash.

Accusations

• Bloody P*ssy for leaving yet more sex toys on trail (this time a tennis ball and a rusty screwdriver, which is apparently not the selection The 2nd Cumming would have picked for himself which leads to the question what is!)
• Night of the Giving Head, I Licked Butts, C*mlocker, Bondage Barbie – Moonburn
• BBAG, I Licked Butts, and The Crying Gay – FRB/FBI (yes, this was the contingent that rode in bag car)
• Social for moon hash backsliders
• Members of the community stretching group (it was too dark for me to see anyone clearly other than Just Carol)
• I'm a Douche for whining that Dinah was unsatisfying on concrete (good to know that he has personal knowledge of how satisfying Dinah is in other locations!)
• The 2nd Cumming, Cocksmith, I Licked Butts, The Crying Gay, Beat By a Girl for a variety of infractions – singing the wrong verse, being GMs of the moon hash, having grey hair …
• I'm a Douche, Cocksmith, and Just Carol – Mexican down-down

"Jesus Saves" ended unceremoniously when The Crying Gay tried out a new verse "Jesus can't lick bloody p*ssy cuz he pushes all the fluid to the side" (not that I mind being the center of attention but that just don't make no sense!). Much better received was the "she came down from Worcester looking for someone to fist her" chorus which got BBAG howling "Oh! Oh! Oh my! That's a new one!" Context is everything isn't it?

I also feel compelled to say that for a pack that wasn't drunk enough or cold enough, we managed to mess up the lyrics to almost every single song we tried to sing.

Heard on and after trail (sadly, I forgot a lot but some is better than nothing):

1. "These stairs are coooooooooooool" – BBAG
2. "You might look at this cone and go, it's just a f*cking cone" – BBAG (ok this one sounded funnier at the time)
3. "The nice thing about song checks is that they are never upside down" – e=I'm a Douche (as opposed, of course, to regular checks that are even more symmetrical …)
4. "A female douche" – Bondage Barbie (as opposed, of course, to the male kind) to e=I'm a Douche
5. "We don't kid about too many things … oh wait, we kid about everything." – BBAG to Virgin Phil
6. "Let's just end this" – I Licked Butts
7. "Really let's just finish this up." – I Licked Butts
8. "WHO THE HELL IS NELSON???" – The 2nd Cumming at least three times, to various people

You can check out trail here: http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=3413205 but be careful; I accidentally modified the trail and had to click Undo; it doesn't seem like there is any way to lock it down.

We got cold pretty fast, so wrapped up circle and headed back to the on-after. Notably we walked through more shiggy to get back to the bar than we had run on trail! Unfortunately we were trailed by a cop so people had to ditch their beers. Look at those cops making us abuse alcohol like that, it's a sad, sad thing. When we got back to the on-after the locals remembered us and then also started singing but unfortunately I think they were singing to the juke box rather than drinking songs.

See you all next month, same bad time, same bad channel…

- Bloody P*ssy