Johnny Cash Hash

(because Johnny Cash is cooler than worms)

Hares: I Licked Butts, The Crying Gay
Bag Car: Bloody P*ssy
RA: Tw*t My Mom
Pack: e=I'm a Douche, Cocksmith, Goat Throat, Tw*t My Mom, Bondage Barbie, Yankee Pay $5 More, 5" Penalty
Wanger: Bend Over Mommy
Pre-lube: Casey's, Somerville
On-in: Under the Charlestown Ave Bridge in Cambridge
On-after: Courtside, Cambridge
Weather: Lousy!! 50 degrees, raining and windy; the middle of a Noreaster that continues to pummel the state

A small pack gathered at Casey's, much to the chagrin of the hares who were hoping to recycle the trail for marathon. Suckers. I was so happy to discuss Don Cherry with 5" and $5 that I nearly let my parking meter expire. Slumerville has apparently decided that it thinks it is Boston, with meters running until 8pm.

Right as we were leaving for bag car, Goat Throat showed up. Great timing, I expect running trail in the rain with a bag is probably not the most fun …

So I have no idea where trail went or what happened on trail. No one would tell me. So here is what else happened:

The beer check was in a sandbox under a roof in Ryan Playground, near the big Sullivan Square rotary. Since it was rainy, windy, and cold, we didn't stay there that long. Just long enough to drink a beer, eat some cheesy poofs, and all shout out "Moose" at the same time. And I got to relay my favorite story of an out-of-stater trying to pronounce a Massachusetts name: Cochituate came out "Cock-a-twatty." Not kidding.

So when the hares said that there was a check in front of bag car, what they neglected to note was that it was a t*t check. And of course, Goat refused to carry the beer to the car until he saw some t*ts. Well, he got me back later.

The on-in was under the bridge that connects Charlestown to Cambridge. I was quite amused sitting in my warm car watching the pack wander around through the park trying to find trail. Suckers. Although they had all acquired hubcaps on trail, apparently from running through a recycling center.

We quickly circled up and after quickly serenading the hares and performing an abbreviated version of "I used to work in Chicago" (I will note that both of these songs allowed the Crying Gay to brag about the size of his c*ck, prompting cries of `b*llshit, B*llshit…), we proceeded on to comments on trail:

• My shoes are too dry
• Not enough hubcaps on trail
• Annnhhhhh
• Not enough paper separated from plastic
• Not enough white trash, too much wet trash
• What trail?

Accusation, etc:

• FRB/FBI – Goat Throat, Bondage Barbie, Bloody P*ssy
• The Crying Gay is building a garden. Apparently he needs some Mexicans like 5" Penalty and Yankee Pay $5 More to help him out. So they all drank.
• Cocksmith accused Glitorus of not being in attendance, so he drank for him
• Bloody P*ssy, The Crying Gay, and e=I'm a Douche had moonburn (in my defense, I was under shelter nearly the entire hash!)
• I Licked Butts drank for accusing The Crying Gay of being hilarious (clearly a false accusation)
• Bloody P*ssy drank because bag car lost its hubcaps (apparently, at least, although none of the hubcaps produced actually match the car!)
• Bloody P*ssy drank again for somehow losing a s*x toy on trail despite not running trail but shall we just say this particular item was so impressive in size (I would estimate its height at about 3 feet) that I agreed to drink anyway
• Then Goat Throat made Cocksmith drink for making Bloody P*ssy need s*x toys
• Then Goat Throat made Tw*t drink for not drinking enough in circle
• Cocksmith drank for not smoking enough in circle
• Barbie drank because her gloves were wet, so clearly she was fingering herself on trail
• Then there was a social because we were all idiots for being out on such a night
• Finally, The Crying Gay drank for bestiality. I forget why.

We finished up circle and quickly proceeded to the on-after to drink overpriced PBR and eat very doughy pizza. But the bartender had some amazing facial hair going on. And the Bruins beat the Devils!

Heard before and then after the hash:

• "What's that sound? Oh wait, it's me!" – Ice Princess (oops, sorry, wrong hash, but I still find that hilarious)
• "Give me an alley and my pants are down." – Goat Throat
• "I promised myself I wouldn't get wet tonight." – Bloody P*ssy
• "I usually try to say at least one stupid thing just so I can quote myself." – Bloody P*ssy

- Bloody P*ssy