Marathon Monday 2010

Apologies in advance for the sketchy nature of this write-up. I'm not even sure why I'm doing it other than that I promised I would.

Pack at Beer Check: (as far as I can remember it ... I know I am missing a ton and I probably have people in here who didn't c*m!) Peppermint P*ssy, High An*s, C*m is Kosher, Grease My Monkey's Nuts, Puff'n'Stuff, The Buttler Hit It, Brigham Tongue, Sp*nk Me May I Have My Mother, Mexican H*mping Queen, Be All That You Can Blow, Stick It to the Bros, Screaming Japanese Girl, Bleeps Sweeps and Creeps, N*pples Erectus, Bend Over Mommy, Goat Throat, Uncle John, Donkey Ho Te, Friar F*ck, Maid of Honor, GAP, Bondage Barbie, Stops to Pet the P*ssy, Sugar Plum Fairy, P*ss Stop, Lube Me In, Yellow D*ck Gnome, +2 Coonass, Goes Down on Buoys, Taj My Hole, Accidental An*l, Pbvzzzzz, C*ms to the Rescue, C*m Locker, C*ms Alone, Willy Wonka and the Backdoor Factory

"Hare": Brigham Tongue

RA: GAP

Pack at Circle: (there were more in & out and at Crossroads but I can't even come close to remembering everyone. Fortunately, my memories of circle were aided by the Facebook pictures of one of the virgins. Unfortunately, these pictures are on Facebook): Peppermint P*ssy, The Buttler Hit It, Brigham Tongue, Sp*nk Me May I Have My Mother, Bleeps Sweeps and Creeps, N*pples Erectus, Goat Throat, GAP, Bondage Barbie, Stops to Pet the P*ssy, Sugar Plum Fairy, DEEP Black Hole, `Edmaster, P*ss Stop, Save a Tree Ride a Cowboy, Goes Down on Buoys, Taj My Hole, Accidental An*l, Immaculate Er*ction, e=I'm a Douche, Willy Wonka and the Backdoor Factory, Stick It to the Bros, Spitz

Giving out beer at the m*rathon … what can I say, it's harder than you might think! Lube Me In had arrived there quite early to get a good parking spot on Comm. Ave, which he used to power a flat-screen TV off of his car battery. Nice setup, and it allowed us to watch the coverage of the r*ce, the better to see when the elites would be coming by.

The only reason I am bothering to write trash about this at all is that this group of strange people handed out papers in sealed envelopes. The contents of this are pretty hilarious and there is no way I can do it justice except to quote certain segments. At one point I was loudly summoned from the grill where I was cooking some wieners because, apparently, it was very important that I write this up in hash trash. Please note that I am not correcting for grammar:

• "It just happens to be that the white race has set up the many so called religions. They are the ones who portray all the people in the Bible as white. The scriptures do not teach this. They are the ones behind the atheists. They are the ones behind Santa Claus, Christmas and the Easter bunny and the trinity." Yes, they were giving this to white people. If I am behind the Easter bunny then I can say I'm proud of it!
• "All the religions of the world are set up by the devil. God only set up one true religion … This message is not for the purpose of gathering members, but to defend the word of God. Because you people have been misusing the word of God for a long time." Um, if *all* the religions of the world are set up by the devil, does this make the one religion otherwordly?
• "The Boston M*rathon is a good example of mankind's stupidity. People want to glorify themselves. They run so that they can be seen. What have they accomplished? The bad spirits in them want to keep the people so occupied with silly things like the M*rathon. They run 26 miles and put tremendous stress on their body." – Yes, I am sure THAT is why people run the m*rathon.
• "Those who sit around and watch the people run are just as silly because they are wasting their time encouraging the runners to behave in such silliness." – Wonder what handing out beer to runners would be considered?
• "This m*rathon is just an example of people wasting their time. You are all lost in sin and going to hell." – No comment
• "We are telling you this so that you have no excuse that you were not warned. What a shameful bunch of human beings." – Reverse psychology at work??

For more information or perhaps amusement check out www.hear-the-truth.com.

So anyway I had marked "trail" from Crossroads to Sp*nk Me's, because we had so much leftover beer and the bar was crowded, but we wanted to make sure everyone could find the place.

At some point in the evening, I was inside, something happened to trigger a circle. Someone called "And the hares!" and someone yelled out that I was the hare. Well, whatever, I laid the closest thing to a trail for the day and I didn't mind an excuse to drink …. For some reason Goat drank with me. Can't remember why.
Comments on trail:

• Not long enough
• Too many marks
• Not enough t*t checks
• Not enough d*ck checks
• Not enough locals at Corner Pub asking me what I was doing (GAP wouldn't let me make my own comment at circle but he can't stop me here!)
• What trail?

Hmmm, what else happened in circle?

People who had giveaway socks drank. People who wore m*rathon shirts drank and I drank because I thought that Bros, who had abandoned circle to go hit on someone was wearing a very similar color but it turned out not to be the same.

Visitors drank. I drank because I'm moving. Someone accused SATRAC of having new shoes. She swore they were not new. GAP smelled one and proclaimed it stank. When asked for a second opinion I agreed. It wasn't the worst-smelling shoe ever but most certainly did not smell new. When SATRAC complained that I said her shoe was stinky I asked if she wanted to drink out of it or not!

Oh, and we had virgins! Just Melody apparently made them all c*m, and Peppermint P*ssy attempted to dement them but for the most part they were not cooperative:

• Virgin 1 just laughed at everything. Then she brought out her phone and started texting in circle!
• Virgin 2 refused to give his real name or really do much of anything except refuse to cooperate. Peppermint kicked him back and refused to dement him.
• Virgin 3 … don't remember much
• Virgin 4 was asked what her favorite circus animal was. I think she said bear. But she refused to make the sound of a bear having an orgasm, so Goat Throat who had been a bear for m*rathon did so for her.

Then we all drank a bunch more. And GAP had an 8:30 bus he was trying to catch. Despite asking the time every 15 minutes since about 6pm, and claiming he wanted to get on the bus early, at about 8:25 I saw him sitting on the floor with his laptop plugged in and yelled at him that he needed to go. Not sure if he caught his bus or not; I sure hope he did!

Well that's all I can remember. And there goes 10 minutes of your life you're not getting back!

- Brigham Tongue