New Moon Marathon Hash

Hares: I Licked Butts, The Crying Gay (Tea Bags)
Bag Car: Mangina (aka "the Boston Strangler")
RA: Tw*t My Mom
Wangers: Better Late Than Pregnant, Accidental Anal

Pre-lube: Tom English's, Dorchester

On-in: Pavilion on the water, near the Bayside Expo Center

On-after: Tom English's, Dorchester

Weather: High 50s and clear

Pack: Sp*rm Dumpster (Buoys), Bloody P*ssy (Brigham), Glitorus (Hare Club), Cocksmith (The Buttler Hit It), Bring Out the Gimp, Bondage Barbie, Aim for My Chin, Willy Wonka and the Backdoor Factory -> Fat Box, Sucker's Bet, The 2nd C*mming, Peppermint P*ssy, Hoover McSucknF*ck, e=I'm a Douche -> Amelia Airfart, Just Megan, 5" Penalty, Yankee Pay $5 More, An*l Beads

Tom English's. Where we would have ended last week's trail if they'd given us a better deal on beer. C'est la vie. So the pack gathered for a drink, and the hares took a good long time to take off, because the pack seemed pretty small. I presume everyone was still recovering from the JP hash the night before, and weren't trying to attend every hash event in the week. Which makes them all way smarter than me.

We circled up in the parking lot next to the bar. Bag car had taken off without the chalk, so luckily Preggers agreed to take it with her. Nothing like wasted chalk.

Since we were ostensibly searching for STD on trail, this was explained to us. Printouts of STD had been printed out and would be used as checks, and two together as t*t checks. This worked pretty well until, I guess, the hares ran out of printouts. I can only wonder what the locals must have thought the next day when they saw pictures of a guy in banana yellow pants all over town.

Anyway after quick introductions we were off! It somehow took us a while to find trail, but it went east through some very nice neighborhoods with well-kept triple-deckers. Eventually we headed south, crossed Dorchester Ave again, and some idiots ran up Whitby Terrace to a checkback (STD used to live at the top of that road). I waited at the bottom. A little while later, we ended up at the first beer check which was in Mangina's backyard, which had a great view of downtown Boston, and was within spitting distance of STD's old place.

The most exciting thing that happened at the beer check is that Willy Wonka sat on a box, which was empty, and collapsed underneath her. She was spontaneously named Fat Box in honor of this event. And I think it's fair to say that she wasn't very pleased by this.

Following the beer check, we charged up to the top of the hill (!!) before, yes, running back down. Well, this is Dorchester. About halfway down was a song check where we sang a few verses of Tampon Factory. It was a pretty sad rendition since no one knew many verses and Gimp sang an exact verse over, like two verses after it had first been sung. Clearly we need to sing this song more often. At the next song check we sang Chicago, which went much better.

Coming back down off the hill, we turned back south onto Pleasant Street. For the first time we crossed over the trail from the previous Sunday. Today's hares had put a check at the bottom of the hill and since we had been up there the previous week, we at least knew trail didn't go that way. Although that would have been pretty devious.

Crossing Dorchester Ave again all the men were held up at a t*t check. Sucker's Bet and I apparently felt more like running than flashing, so we went and found the trail but the men still waited around to see some flesh. Ha. Of course, they caught up with us eventually as there was a check at Savin Hill Ave. I turned right, with Sp*rm Dumpster, figuring we'd go somewhere around Savin Hill Park. He ran right to the top of the hill and into the park then had to stop because he had no cranium lamp. Oops.

At the top of the park there was a check, and trail led down the far side, to a beer check at the bottom of the hill. We drank until we realized we were a bit chilly then craniumed off into the night, following the hares. And not following last week's marks. Not too far along there was a d*ck check that looked to me like a dog's bone and I didn't quite process what it was until right around the time that a d*ck was whipped out!

From here, trail went down a dead end street and across Morrissey Blvd. Only a few people were nearly killed, most of us waited for a good break in traffic. But we were excited by SN, which meant the shot check was near. Then somehow we managed to get lost and wandering around in the shiggy. I did get to see a beautifully naturalized daffodil.

Anyway the bottle of whatever ... whiskey of some sort but someone said it was American which would make it bourbon, no? Well whatever, it was at the Vietnam War Memorial. So we stopped there and drank most of the bottle before running on a lovely deathmarch along the water, up to a check. Trail actually ran across another pretty big road to a large grassy area where we lost it for a while and picked it up again in a parking lot. Then there was another t*t check and this time along I decided to help the guys out so I said "wait for the cars" to which someone responded "wait for them to go, or for them to get here!" Not wanting to be called in for indecent exposure, I had meant the former.

Moving along ... trail went through the shiggy for a bit before another quite long deathmarch in front of all the condos over to the on-in. Bag Car was parked a bit away so a bunch of us went to unload. Helpfully, someone had abandoned a shopping cart so we loaded it up with bags and Douche pushed it across the field, with some difficulty. Something about wheels not being designed for soft surfaces.

Comments on trail:

• Short
• Not enough dongs
• Not enough deathmarches
• Not enough locals asking what we were doing 
• Too many arrows
• Nothing
• Not enough old marks
• Not enough of Buttler's p*nis
• Fabulous d*ck check

The rest of circle:

• Peppermint P*ssy did an honorary down-down for STD who was not available
• Then the GMs drank for some reason. Any excuse...
• The 2nd Cumming and Accidental Anal drank for being FRB and FBI. Not sure being a wanger counts as being an FRB but I seem to write that every week... anyway Hoover and Yankee Pay $5 More joined them, as DFL
• Glitorus drank for being a backslider. You'd think he had something going on in his life more important than the hash!
• Cocksmith, Butts, and Accidental Anal drank for singing too much (??), and were joined by the other GMs. And bald guys.
• Tonight was Tw*t's upside down 69 an*lversary. So he was demented, which consisted of demonstrating an upside down 69 with 5" Penalty, who didn't know what it was. 
• The 2nd Cumming produced a Mexican wrist band that said "Hair Club" so made Glitorus and the other Mexicans (Yankee Pay $5 More, Gimp, Aim for My Chin, and 5" Penalty).
• Then Sp*rm Dumpster accused Douche of looking like Montgomery Burns
• Cocksmith accused The 2nd Cumming of racist behavior
• I Licked Butts accused Cocksmith of finding more of my s*x toys on trail
• The Crying Gay accused me of using the s*x toys, following that up with "I like Bloody P*ssy" which he said in such a way that he got accused of coveting another man's wife ... that would be me.
• Then I had to drink. I'm not sure why. 
• Aim for My Chin accused the 2nd Cumming of ignoring calls on trail from both his mom and his dad. Not sure why she knew this, but that's probably why she was made to drink, too.
• Tw*t and the Crying Gay drank for wearing the same shirt, and they were joined by all the hares and GMs. 
• Next, Douche had to drink for "warming up" The 2nd Cumming. Of course, he was joined by The 2nd Cumming.
• Fat Box drank for not drinking in honor of her new name
• Douche, An*l Beads, Bondage Barbie, Just Megan, and Suckers Bet drank for not drinking enough
• I Licked Butts accused The Crying Gay of making false accusations. So she drank, because he didn't really make any. So all the GMs drank. Well, that's one way to get him to drink ...
• The RA got confused and missed his own down-down so he drank for that
• We decided to name e=I'm a Douche at the moon hash. Candidates included: Mr Burns, It Burns when I Pee, Amelia Airfart, An*l Baron, Douchebag Car, C*m In his Eyes, Squirts Too High. Amelia Airfart was the overwhelming winner. He was wearing aviator glasses on this evening.
• 5" Penalty accused the hares of naming a hash after a Twilight movie.
• 5" Penalty was accused of knowing the name of a Twilight movie.
• Then the GMs drank again for some reason, with Peppermint, Amelia Airfart, and An*l Beads who were having a private party
• Finally, there was a social for everyone who didn't accuse anyone of anything

Tired, cold, and trying not to become too wrecked before the beer mile a number of us traipsed back to Tom English's and had pizza from Pantry Pizza next door before heading out for a relatively early night. Somewhere on trail Hoover had found a license plate, complete with license plate holder. This is still in my car, as a matter of fact...

Heard on trail and after the hash:

• "You're lucky I didn't have a few more swigs of this genuine American whiskey - I'd be on the street!" - Just Megan
• "Well that was before I started playing with you." - Bondage Barbie to Douche
• "And then I grabbed your leg." - Douche to Bondage Barbie
• "Sing me a song at least before you r*pe me!" - The Crying Gay
• "I'm glad I had goggles on." - Amelia Airfart

- Bloody P*ssy