Bag Car: Drippy Spigot
RA: The 2nd Cumming
Wanger: Mr Rogers
Pre-lube: Honey Fitz, Malden Center
On-in: Honey Fitz, Malden Center
Weather: Clear and cold (20s)
Pack: Ski Bobbit, Hare Club for Queers, Sucker's Bet, C*mlocker, e=I'm a Douche, Brigham Tongue, Pbvzzzvvzzzz, Willy Wonka and the Backdoor Factory, The Buttler Hit It, High An*s, Tw*t My Mom, Blow My Mind, Horse's *ss, Mexican Humping Queen, Peppermint P*ssy, The 2nd Cumming, Just Mike -> Deaf Dumb and Do Me
The pack assembled for the pre-lube at Honey Fitz in Malden Center. The first real excitement was when I managed to trip, fall, and twist my ankle running the 20 feet from the bar to bag car. Ha.
We found trail pretty quickly; it ran through a plaza and down the road before we completely lost trail in the middle of the median on Route 60. Somehow we found trail again, running down a bunch of really dark roads that didn't seem to have any distinguishing characteristics, in an industrial area. We did pass the Mystic Valley Gun club before veering off through some shiggy and parking lots. Trail must have been really well laid because until we ran through the parking lot of some big building and got lost, we didn't have too hard of a time finding trail. Shame on us for getting lost where we did, though – trail went exactly where it should, through some old or abandoned equipment and across a playground before running us along a ridge with a beautiful view of some tributary of the Mystic River at night before the beer check which was off in some sketchy park.
After the beer check the trail ran through some lovely Malden neighborhoods. After running a couple of blocks there was a check, and of course trail goes up, right? Well, sure, until you hit a great big False! We ran down Main Street a couple of blocks and somehow became very, very lost … we ran every direction except, of course, for the right one. Guess it was too dark to see the marks properly without a cranium lamp. A similar situation occurred a couple of blocks later in a park … the logical place for trail to go was up the park but someone swore they had just been up there and couldn't find trail. What we didn't realize was that "there" was the road paralleling the park, not in the park itself.
At this point we saw the bright lights of Malden Center ahead of us and figured we were going back there …. But where? Trail was supposed to be A to B, so we just kept plodding on. A couple of falses later (one of which was like 5 marks, sheesh!) we crossed back over Route 60, up through the Exchange Street garage and pedestrian walkway (a nice touch), back up to Pleasant Street and Honey Fitz.
You can check out trail here: http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?hl=en&ie=UTF8&vps=1&jsv=202c&oe=UTF8&msa=0&msid=118272277346908244801.00047db4c18da20c49597
The hashers swarmed the Subway sandwiches and mostly ignored the cupcakes. Geez you'd think we were an athletic group or something the way we were acting! After everyone had eaten their fill and moved on to the beer, circle began with comments on trail:
- Not enough falses
- Didn't see enough t*ts
- Not enough d*cks
- Not enough abandoned railroad tracks
- Best trail I never ran
- Best trail with check backs and falses
- Shortest distance ever between A to B
- Spunk in the Trunk for being DFL at the beer check but an FRB at the on-in
- Brigham Tongue for something boring that no one really cared about
- The Buttler Hit It for accusing Brigham Tongue of doing something boring that no one really cared about
- The 2nd Cumming for wearing his girlfriend's clothes to the hash
- Brigham Tongue, Sucker's Bet, and C*mlocker for not knowing which one of us was FBI
- Social – GMs, former GMs, and bald guys
- Brigham Tongue for hash crash on the way to bag car
- Willy Wonka and the Backdoor Factory and Mexican Humping Queen for sitting in circle
- Tw*t My Mom for noticing The 2nd Cummings nipples enough to comment about them
- Peppermint P*ssy for whining on trail that she got beer all over her mittens
- Social – Ski Bobbit made the LA transplants and former GMs drink with him
- Ski Bobbit, Mr Rogers and Pat My Fly because it was Founders Day
- Brigham Tongue for the an*lversary of my first hash
- Mexican Humping Queen for turning red
- Pbvzzzvvzzzz, Hare Club, and Horse's *ss – Mexican down down (somehow Mexican Humping Queen avoided this one; not sure how!)
- e=I'm a Douche for seeing which way the hares started laying trail but running the other way at the beginning of the hash when looking for trail
- e=I'm a Douche, Mexican Humping Queen, Willy Wonka and the Backdoor Factory, and Peppermint P*ssy for trying to look slimmer by wearing all-black outfits. Peppermint claimed her pants were navy, not black. I think she was just trying to demonstrate her fashion knowledge.
Noticing that we had a hasher named Just Mike who had been hashing since the fall if not earlier but didn't have a name, the pack took it upon itself to give him a name. Despite the fact that we know there was a story that he refused to tell about what happened at Anti-Buffett (I guess what happens at Anti-Buffet stays at Anti-Buffet…) a couple of names were tossed out most of which were really lame but the decent ones were:
- Dirty Rotten Sh*t (because someone said it was a dirty rotten shame that he hadn't been named yet)
- Don't Talk Dirty to Me
- Deaf Dumb and Do Me (the latter two because Mike is so quiet, especially when being named he looked like the most miserable person on the face of the planet and no I'm not making this up)
Heard on and well, actually mostly after trail (one of these days I'll bring paper with me on trail …):
- "I don't carry a shotgun in my car" – Brigham Tongue
- "He didn't tell me to … what is going on?" – e=I'm a Douche
- "Stupid Moon Hash" – The Buttler Hit It
- "I'm not that wet" – Brigham Tongue
- "I think you were enjoying that a little too much" – e=I'm a Douche
- "Are those two really married?" – The 2nd Cumming referring to Buttler & Brigham
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